<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Excerpts from Mark Gregston from Parenting Today’s Teens<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Supporting Your Kids – And Then Their Kids – In Word And Deed<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s some quick lessons that I learned from experience, on how to fulfill a role that only a grandparent can fill, how to let moms and dads \u201cparent\u201d, and grandparents fulfill the role God has called them to fill. Here are some rules of the road that I would encourage every grandparent to follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t Parent when You\u2019re Not the Parent; Be the Grandparent<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t always agree with every way my kids parent their children. There are many times I think I\u2019d have even better grandkids if their parents would just follow my line of thought. I\u2019ve had my tongue replaced twice as I\u2019ve bitten it so many times wanting to suggest a better way. After all, I write books and speak on this stuff every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then I remember the parenting gig is all theirs. Not mine. I had my turn. Yes, I think they\u2019re on their iPads and cell phones too much. Yes, they should get those kids out of diapers and quit sticking that pacifier plug in their mouth. Yes, they shouldn\u2019t say certain words around them. Yes, they should push them in some areas and quit pushing so hard in others. Yes, they should make them clean up more and quit making messes. Yes, they should help them understand how great we are as grandparents. All the \u201cYeses,\u201d in my mind, should remain there. In my mind, and not be pushed on my kids (my grandkid\u2019s parents), because it\u2019s not about me, it\u2019s about helping my kids be the best parents to my grandkids without me pushing my personal agenda of what I think might be best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They just don\u2019t do this parenting thing as I did and would do again. The reason? Because God placed my grandkids in my kids\u2019 care to parent, not in mine. He gave me kids to parent, and if I did such a great job then why don\u2019t I trust my kids to repeat it now with my grandkids? Ultimately, I do trust them. We just do things differently. So, I\u2019ll keep my mouth shut, keep biting my tongue, and trust that God knows what He\u2019s doing. And I\u2019ll pray He helps me become the grandparent He\u2019s created me to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Support Your Kid\u2019s Parenting Styles and Desires<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Styles will always be different. Your kids say the same thing all of us have said, \u201cI don\u2019t want to parent my kids the way my parents parented me.\u201d They\u2019re doing it differently because they learned some things from you that they don\u2019t want to carry on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Just as you are trying to honor the position God placed you in, they are honoring the position He put them in. Maybe God is encouraging your kids to raise their kids in a certain way. Be careful. Your lack of support may actually be a lack of support for God\u2019s plan for their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You need to do your thing and do it well. Let your kids do theirs with all your support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t undercut your kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Support Your Kids Even in Your Disagreement<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n This may mean you help your grandchild understand your role by saying, \u201cEven though I don\u2019t agree with your mom, I do support her. I always have, and I always will. You guys need to work this one out, and I\u2019ll help where I can. However, I won\u2019t go against what she says.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Offer a Place of Relief and Rest, Not Escape<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Offer that place of rest where they feel safe and can be refreshed and rekindled, but not a place where they escape the consequences of their behavior or elude and avoid the responsibilities put on them. At any age, a child would much rather avoid a painful situation. I encourage you to provide a place where they don\u2019t avoid the pain of life but learn to navigate through the agony and heartache of growing up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Give Advice Only When Asked<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Even a fool appears wise when he keeps his mouth shut. Have you read that a few times throughout this book? It\u2019s a wise proverb that bears repeating, and repeating, and repeating some more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t Bad-mouth by Words or Actions<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Let your grandkids know of your parental struggles. Make your kids (their parents) appear normal, not as villains. Don\u2019t do anything in secret except for surprise birthday parties and anniversary celebrations. The minute you say, \u201cDon\u2019t tell your mom this,\u201d or \u201cDon\u2019t let your dad know,\u201d you are bad-mouthing their parents. You are not respecting their positions. You are showing you don\u2019t have to give your support. Sometimes your actions speak louder than words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Send Your Kids and Their Kids on a Vacation to Spend Time Together Without You<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s fun to spend time with grandkids, but I encourage you to help your kids make some memories with your grandkids as well. Give them fun times away from your presence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While you want to communicate and you want to share with your grandchildren, don\u2019t ever forget whose kids they really are. You have been given a chance to be involved in the lives of these teens who don\u2019t belong to you. It\u2019s a blessing! You get to participate in the fun without all the dirty work anymore. You know what? I enjoy my grandkids, and I never changed one of their diapers. When they get sick, I let them go throw up somewhere else. When they\u2019re in trouble, they get to answer to someone else. When they pull some stupid stunt, it\u2019s all on their parents. I get to sit back and enjoy the good times; parents have to deal with all the rotten stuff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, try to give them a break from the day in, day out routine. Help them enjoy their kids and have some fun. It\u2019s easy for grandparents to be a killjoy of fun within the family if the fun is all about having it around grandparents. Show your support for your kids by blessing them and granting them the opportunity to spend some time as a family and make some great memories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t Ever Believe You Know Best Because You Don\u2019t<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n You don\u2019t live with the struggling grandchild every day. You may not be able to detect bluffing behavior during occasional visits. Your grandkids may be sweet as honey to you and be a living nightmare for mom or dad. Your grandkids\u2019 parents need your support, not abandonment or criticism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You are to give a bigger-picture view, yes. You are to give perspective. But that doesn\u2019t mean you see everything happening. I hear parents mention to me all the time that their parents would never understand because they don\u2019t see the half of it and wouldn\u2019t believe it if they did. As I\u2019ve always said, I can change spark plugs in a car but I can\u2019t replace the engine. I\u2019m not the expert on that engine. I simply don\u2019t see the whole picture of how everything works, connects, and functions together properly. You may see a little, but that doesn\u2019t mean you understand it all. Don\u2019t charge in as an expert. Go to your kids in humility, offering to listen and be available to answer anything they ask. Remember, you\u2019re not living with your grandkids, so there\u2019s a lot you don\u2019t know. Supporting your grandkid\u2019s parents may just be the best way to support your grandkids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let them know that they\u2019re the best, even when you think you are better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Excerpts from Mark Gregston from Parenting Today’s Teens Supporting Your Kids – And Then Their Kids – In Word And Deed Here’s some quick lessons that I learned from experience, on how to fulfill a role that only a grandparent can fill, how to let moms and dads “parent”, and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":175,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=174"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":177,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174\/revisions\/177"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/175"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysakingskid.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}